Proclamations for my 29th year. Kind of.

Last month I celebrated my 28th birthday. It was a fun birthday! Lots of mini celebrations made for a fun weekend.

It got me thinking though, what does 28 mean?

…well, nothing specifically. I suppose I can’t pretend that I’m in my mid-twenties anymore. Not that I want to. Not really.

I’ve been told to appreciate the fact that I still get carded 9/10 times I’m out – so I’m doing that.

But, I do feel like I blinked and all of a sudden the time between 25 and now just happened.

By nature I’m a thinker, and my birthday got me thinking about time and about life. I don’t want to just go through the motions of life, I want to experience every moment of every day. I’m sure that sounds like a cliche, but I mean it. I do.

It would be all too easy for the next 2, 5 or 10 years to just go by in a flash. Sure, there will be highlights that I’ll clearly remember, especially since I’m sure there will be a lot more firsts in the next 5 years.

But what about the rest of it. Am I destined to let another span of time just pass me by? What about all the little moments?

I think it’s the little moments that matter the most. But, maybe even more important, is the way we handle them.

One of the things I’d like to try to get a handle on in my 29th year is dealing with things when they happen – and if they are less than favorable – learning to get over them asap. No dwelling, no tucking things away for later, no new hangups.

I hold on to everything. Eve.ry.thing.

I once got a fortune at a chinese restaurant that read,  A good memory is fine, but the ability to forget is the one true test of greatness.

I know it is just a fortune cookie, but I think there is some truth to it.

The hubs’ and I took a little road trip to New Hampshire over the weekend and spent some time in the car. I LOVE being in the car with the hubs. I am an awesome passenger and he loves to drive. It’s such a great time to chat, sing along with the radio, and take in the surroundings.

Somehow, possibly sparked by all of the therapy sessions on Private Practice, we got into a kind of deep conversation about change and our ability (as humans) to change.

This probably isn’t groundbreaking, but we came to the conclusion that change is hard. It’s easy to say that the only way to change is to actually change, but in reality that is just not helpful.

If you want to be neater you can’t just proclaim you’ll be neat starting….NOW. It just isn’t that easy. You have to clean up after yourself this time and go back and clean up after the time before that. And you have to keep on it.

Proclamations don’t yield change, change does.

This is all a whole heck of a lot easier with something concrete. How about letting go of things? Small things that happened 10, 15, even 20 years ago?

I think it IS possible. But, like being neater, it can’t be done without a chain of actions.

It might seem counter productive, but I think the first step is identifying some of the crap I’m hanging on to. Maybe I’ll share, maybe not. Sharing is hard for me.

Either way, I need to let myself acknowledge the crap for what it is, and then make a completely informed decision to let it go.

There’s so many good things to hold on to and they deserve more space in my thoughts.

This whole exercise has really made me wonder, why is choosing happiness so hard?

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